After spending what feels like an eternity trying to convince Sarkis, my father-in- law, not to move to "murder alley" (as he’s nicknamed it), I’m spent. I can only imagine why one would take themselves from a traumatic situation into a dangerous one. I suppose loss makes one do irrational things and irrational things have been a plenty lately. In fact, I’ve got baskets full of irrational.
It is far beyond my comprehension, what my father in law has been feeling with the death of Dorothy, his wife of 45 years. He's been more obstinate than usual. He recently announced to us he intends to leave the retirement community he and Dorothy have lived in for the past 10 years. The memories are too much for him to bear at this point. Dwight and I want him to stay and take a studio apartment in the same building. He's fighting us on this point and warring with the building's management about the meals the tenants are required to purchase every month (its part of the lease).
Clearly, he’s trying to regain some control in a helpless situation. The building has a cafeteria where the tenants have meals and congregate. He has avoided going down there since Dorothy died almost one month ago; opting to have his meals delivered to his apt. I think going down there alone will make it all the more real for him. I gather he doesn't want to be pitied; doesn't want to face any of it. Dorothy was the friendly, social one. Sarkis well... isn't.
He and I didn't always have a good relationship. Sarkis didn't take to me right away, but it doesn't appear as if he's ever cottoned to anyone he believes might take his son from him. There was even one year and a half that I didn't step foot in he and Dorothy's home after a huge blow up between Sarkis, Dwight and myself. Dorothy brought us back together; the woman must have been a miracle worker on top of being a saint, as Sarkis and I are tough contenders.
Now for the most part, he's left to himself. Sure, I've made the effort to go over at least once a week for lunch and call every other day to check in, but he is going to have to fend for himself in the friendship/social department. Dwight and I can't be there all the time. He needs friends right now. I don't know that he really has any, he seems to hold others at such a distance. I can tell the idea of such vulnerability terrifies him. And so he wants to run away. Move to a bachelor apt downtown, sell all of his belongings and disappear. It has to be unbelievably hard to lose the love of your life. It has to be harder still when they were your link to the world.
In any case, I stayed over at his place for the weekend, attempting to do some measure of damage control. I knew it would be tough as Sarkis is formidable. We sat down to dinner Saturday evening and I attempted to quietly and calmly insert my ideas. It seemed like he was coming around, but we’ll see. Where Sarkis is concerned, it’s best to walk softly and carry a big stick. I’m hopeful.